The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce site feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
However when problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that numerous of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in urbane locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention More about the author that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, values, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!