The Sensuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing powerful feelings of destination, excitement, love, wellness, and closeness .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
However, North includes, "I presume this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs additional reading to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!