The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .
When problems occur, those who click here for more fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is great!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that a number of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in urbane areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Lots of gay men wish to discover out from the starting if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in read review some cases it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!