The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to incredibly hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, well-being, nearness, and love .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that much of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males Read More Here specifically in urban locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' why not try this out man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!