The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to extremely tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and wellness .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that numerous of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in urbane locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
However, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing instead of a click site 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!