The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state her response of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, nearness, and well-being .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that much of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in urbane locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!