The Sensuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, wellness, nearness, and love .
But when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. Numerous gay males wish to discover from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in blog a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, worths, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!