The Sensuality Trap, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and well-being .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works you could check here mostly with gay men, says that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Numerous gay males desire to find out from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!