The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , causing effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .
But when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is very important. their explanation Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we click now can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication check over here subsides and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!