The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , blog here causing effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, nearness, and wellness .
However when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest over here as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in urban locations, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay men want to find out from the starting. Why waste your click over here time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
However, North adds, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!