The Sex Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to exceptionally tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, closeness, love, and well-being .
However when problems occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with check over here gay guys, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in city locations, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay males want to news discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
However, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!