The Sexuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings enormous significance and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to extremely difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and wellness .
However when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, recommended you read states that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay men desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if important source the sex isn't going to be good?".
However, North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and description values -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!