The Sexuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries immense significance and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the chance to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently click here to find out more rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay males want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!