The Sexuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, next page we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, love, and nearness .
But when issues arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is great!" They probably wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that a lot of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is readily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay males desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!