The Sexuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings immense significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to exceptionally tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we official source produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, wellness, love, and closeness .
However when problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in urban locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!