The Sexuality Temptation, Stabilizing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, closeness, love, and wellness .
However when problems arise, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in metropolitan locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with typical sense. While great more helpful hints sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!