The Sexuality Trap, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, making love carries enormous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and closeness .
However when problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in metropolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) Get More Info with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with common sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!