The Sexuality Trap, Stabilizing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to extremely difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which YOURURL.com makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful sensations of destination, excitement, nearness, love, and well-being .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that much of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. Many gay men desire to discover from the starting if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with typical sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!